what to do, what to do...
over the last few days i'm realizing how my son and i do not get along. i know i've been pretty touchy lately, but i've been noticing that his favorite activities consist of: bothering elisha, bothering me, bothering the cat or dog, and bothering reese.
he floats from person to person, taking away toys or generally interfering with whatever they're doing at that time. he makes requests right when i'm in the middle of something (which i'm used to, kids don't always know to wait). he refuses to share, even though his older sister shares with him all the time, she's a really excellent model, imo. i hear "MINE" from him at least 20 times a day. he cries loudly and whines when he doesn't get his way (almost theatrically so, big huge tears and all).
it's almost impossible to discipline him when we're in public. i have been letting things slide though...not following through on my threats because i want to finish my errand instead of having a wasted trip. nothing frustrates me more than going somewhere to get something done and not completing the task. if we did use that approach, i'm afraid that i'd really be too hard on him because i'd be personally disappointed that the errand was left undone.
on the other hand, if cade has a game plan for the day, then he's completely happy. he's helpful with assigned chores and if he has a task, he follows through. he helps with the dishwasher, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping the sidewalk, anything! if i let him i'm sure he'd try and scrub the toilets and cook the meals. (hm, not a bad thought...)
it's to the point though, where i feel like i don't challenge him enough. he loves his ABCs and counting and games but i cannot keep him busy enough to keep him out of trouble. i've thought about homeschooling him in preschool but if he went to real preschool next year then he'd be really bored and apt to get into trouble there. he's only 3 years and 3 months old. if he went to a private preschool right now, i think it would be good for him, even for a few hours a week. but then what would i do with just elisha and me????
and then the thought comes...am i just pawning off my behavior issues on someone else? reese was a really good 3 year old. she was very obedient and didn't talk back very much. cade is just the opposite. it's to the point where i don't even like being around him b/c everything we do is met with a 'NO' from him. horrible things for a mother to say, i'm afraid. and really, i've had a difficult time with his childhood so far. for some reason i don't even remember his first year of life. i doubt my memory has been reprogrammed 'total recall' style, so what's up with that? he was a fine baby, as i remember. nursed fine for 13 months, had the same sleeping habits as reese, walked a bit early at 11 months...i don't know why i feel this block with him. ???
10.18.2007
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2 comments:
I know what you mean about the "wasted trip." I know I'm not a mommy, but I'm pretty much a mommy to my nannykids, so I know what you're going through. That's how it was/is with A. She'd deliberately pitch fits in public because she knew I wasn't going to discipline her or leave (again, I hate the wasted trip). Also, at home she'd deliberately provoke her sister/me just to get reactions and throwing horrible several-hour long, hitting, kicking, screaming tantrums.
A. is older than Cade but this has been going on for some time now. We've actually enrolled her in a play therapy class, and that's actually helping--she has a lot of anger issues (mostly jealousy of her little sister) and that was causing most of the deliberate misbehaving. (Have you noticed with Cade that he's better behaved when it's one-on-one?)
Another thing we've really been doing is really, REALLY using positive reinforcements. Her therapist recommended this and we've really seen a difference. We really praise her all the time. Ex. "Wow, A., you're eating your dinner so nicely! What nice manners you're using tonight!" and "A., thank you for giving your sister the book just then. What a good big sister thing to do!" etc. We've noticed she really tries now to please us. (Of course, this doesn't work all the time, but things are significantly better than they were.)
Finally, since Cade seems to be responding very positively to a "schedule," can you try to have a schedule for him as much as possible? For kids his age, a normal schedule/routine is a great comfort--perhaps a reason he's acting out without a schedule is because he's feeling he doesn't have control. When he knows what's next, that may help him. Maybe you could write up and decorate a poster (with illustrations that he can understand) of what Cade does each day. Ex. Wake up, then eat breakfast, then get dressed, then have playtime, then go to the grocery store with mommy, then take a nap...etc. Remind him of what he's doing throughout the day so he always knows what's next.
Okay, I know I've rambled on, but hopefully some of these can help! I hope things get better soon for you guys.
Well, I dont think a preschool setting would be bad! At 3 it would more than likely only be 2 days a week. I know we were having problems with Carter at the sitter when he was 4. It got so bad, my sitter quit!! Turns out, all he really wanted was to go to school...his bad behavior helped us get him into school, and ever since, he has been a pretty good kid, minus the normal outburts, tantrums..etc!! Good luck with whatever you decide!!
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