a bit of craziness

things i've accomplished this week:

• far too much laundry...3 loads of kids' clothes ALONE. am i buying them too many clothes? i'm so tired of folding little clothes...ugh. if we had more closet space, i'd hang them all.
• gotten rid of 2 sleeping bags and an old carseat through freecycle. i love freecycle, otherwise i'd feel really guilty for throwing all that away. we already produce the most garbage on our block...how do the other families get by with just one big bag of garbage a week?!?!? i'm sure that with 2 in diapers, our trash is also the most fragrant.
  
• finally vacuumed upstairs. i've been wanting to do this for the last week...so it REALLY needed done. and it's finished just in time for me to vacuum downstairs again. sigh. i would love to have a central vacuum. (yes, i just wished for a big vacuum.)
• almost done with our xmas letter that goes in our card. we got some pictures of the kids last night that MIGHT work to go into the card, too. i'm going to take a few more shots tonight if everyone is happy and we'll make the final decision. then i'll send rob to the local kodak machine to make many many prints. at least all the envelopes are addressed. i did that yesterday.

that's really about all i've done. hmmm. feels like more.

the last few days have been rough for me, mentally. if it's not postpartum depression, it's something similar. i've found myself thinking about throwing myself down the stairs, and then cursing the same stairs for not being long enough to break my neck if i did go down them. also passing through my thoughts: my kids would be better off without me. i've had a dark few days, apparently. i haven't even told rob the thoughts that have gone through my head. i should but i'm scared to death of actually seeking help...i worry about mental evaluations following me in my medical record.

anyway, i've been feeling better the last 24 hours. i think i was just at a low point, maybe brought on by holiday stress. damn holidays. that's the reason i'm crazy. heh heh.

it also helps that elisha slept really well last night. she only woke up once last night, around 4am. she nursed and went right back to sleep. she's such an angel.

better go get some more stuff done...only an hour til reese gets home.