i've spent quite a bit of time trying to put some christmas music on my ipod. for some reason my computer is really slow at importing everything. it used to be pretty fast but then i upgraded to itunes who-knows-what-version and now it takes forever. but the neat part is that i'm listening to the nutcracker ballet (courtesy of the philadelphia orchestra :)) and i had forgotten how much i love it.
the last few days i've had a bit of a stuggle. i'm not really religous...i never was required to go to church as a child and don't really understand how someone can just have blind faith that the whole god thing really exists. however, now i'm a mom and it's amazing how helpless i feel at times raising these kids. when reese is at school or on the bus, i'm constantly hoping that if the teachers/bus drivers aren't watching out for her welfare, then somebody of a higher power hopefully is. and at least 5x a day, i'm thankful for our health..and the health of our family. but i really don't know who i'm thanking...all the religious types would immediately answer with 'god', but i hate to actually say that yes, i'm praying/thanking a god whom i've never really worshipped. it's like i'm asking for his/her care without putting any real effort into it.
ANYWAY, now that it's the christmas season, reese wants to know what all these christmas songs are about. not just rudolph and frosty, those she can figure out on her own. i'm talking about 'away in a manger' and 'silent night.' one of the christmas books i bought her the other day had a version of the birth of jesus in it (it was actually ok with me, seemed appropriate for her age, maybe a little older). but i just cringe everytime jesus or god might come up in conversation with her. maybe by not talking more about it, i'm doing more harm than not. i guess i'm raising her to be a good person, period. i don't think you have to be a devout bible-thumping person to have a good afterlife.
weird that i'm thinking about this. it's all because of silvia browne. she's really got me thinking...enough so that i've programmed my tivo to record montel on wednesdays. that and i've been unbelievably fortunate to have ignored this issue for so long, all of my friends and family are healthy and still walking around.
i really need to discuss this with rob. rob is even less religious than me, his mother was buddhist and his dad was...um...from st. louis. i have no clue what his dad impressed upon him as far as religion. i think rob is of the same opinion as me, that just being a good person and a KIND person is enough to make a good life.
holy moly, i got more than 30 seconds there, didn't i? although i hear baby elisha starting to wake. she's an angel, by the way. she's gotten so she's only waking up around 3 or 4am, nursing and going back to sleep. i wish my boobs would accept this new schedule though, i've woken up the last few nights really engorged.
anyway, here's a shot of the tree this year. and yes, it's huge. like huge enough that it's a pain in the ass. but those little white lights make me feel all warm inside.
my shopping has been started. reese is done, my mom is 1/2 done. i still have my dad, my bro & sis in law, rob, and cade. and elisha. but does a 4 month old really need presents? i bought a peanut shell sling to tote her around and i think that may be her xmas present. she's the one getting a free ride, after all.
and i'm working on cards already...bought letter paper and stamps today. i'm mentally composing the christmas letter already. it's been a busy year!
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