it's hump day!

geez, it's been a while. in case there is anyone out there checking in, sorry!

my last post in here was just before rob returned from holland. how ironic that he'll be leaving in a week or so to go back there for 4 months. please pray for my sanity and health while he's gone. my mind has started worrying about 'what happens if i fall in the shower?', 'what if i fall down the stairs and break my neck?', 'what if i just don't wake up?' and in all these scenarios i worry about when my children would be found, starving and penned. i image reese would be desperately trying to figure out the tivo remote, refusing to use the toilet (since i'm not there to stand in the doorway). she might have tried to get cade out of the crib but i think he'd still be stuck in there for who knows how long. i close the gate at the top of the stairs every night so reese can't wander downstairs as i snooze, but i realize more and more that maybe this is a fire hazard...or could be dangerous in an emergency. can you tell i have way too much time to ponder such things?!?!

maybe my mind wanders this way b/c this pregnancy is progressing well....pregnant women are quite good at visualizing the worst of any situation. i rented a doppler and found the heartbeat and that was a huge relief. if i had any smarts i'd try and link a sound file. wonder if i have that much time to devote to something that wouldn't work anyway. when i let rob listen, he was amazed. i keep forgetting that he never really got to all the short doc appts when i was pregnant with reese or cade, so listening to the heartbeat is amazing technology for him. i'm not showing that much, but my uterus seems to be pushing up all my belly fat so i'm just 2x as chubby. i did buy some maternity tshirts at old navy and i seem to be looking pg in them already. keep in mind i'm only 11 weeks on thursday! i have a feeling that my butt is eating up all the extra room in the shirts. i guess i'll need a buttectomy asap. if only. why doesn't medical science work on the breakthroughs that really matter???

speaking of medical science, i still am not in the care of an ob/gyn. i still haven't even gone on base for the referral yet. since i've already ordered teh doppler, i'm on prenatal vitamins, and doing daily weigh-ins, i'm thinking i'm pretty qualified to have this baby myself. maybe i'll opt for homebirth and tell rob to get out, i can do this myself. heh heh. (and yes, he BETTER be home by the end of august...he's scheduled to be home july 6th-ish.) anyway, i need to review the list of ob/gyns that my insurance will accept. i don't want to use the docs that delievered reese...i ended up with an episiotomy and i hated waiting for 45 minutes for a 5 minute appt. with cade, we started off with a practice in new hampshire and i loved them. it was mostly female midwives & docs and they were so nice, making EYE CONTACT with me, wondering how i was really doing (emotionally too). then we moved to connecticut and the local practice was ok, but even though i went into labor on a friday (the day the midwife was rumored to be on duty), a doc still delivered me. ??? i don't think they really let her catch any babies, probably b/c of insurance. :/

it would be nice to go to someone local, just b/c of childcare issues (hey, why don't ob/gyns offer childcare during appts??? if a grocery store can do it, why not the doctor's office???). i barely remember the doc who delivered cade, and i know i couldn't spell his name. he was the only doctor that i hadn't gotten around to seeing in an appt and his name honestly looked like 'frankenstein' on the birth paperwork. however, i just had a tiny tear with cade and the birth went smoothly. the cocky part of me thinks that's b/c i'm just a healthy person with wide hips...the docs really don't do much except clamp the cord and make sure the baby doesn't hit the floor.

anyway, enough about baby talk.

we're headed for groceries today. you can bet that miniature peanut butter cups are going to be in my cart. i might just hide them til rob leaves next week.